Thursday, April 21, 2011

Cleveland is a nothing-to-do wasteland...just ask Peyton Hillis!




Unless you work for the EPA and you are on a research assignment tied to water pollution or you are visiting the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland isn’t exactly a resort destination of choice for travelers.

Maybe it’s the weather or the smell of industry that keeps you a half time zone from the Mistake by the Lake. Maybe you shy away from the rusty town because even the director of Major League thought the area was such a sweaty crotch that they had to shoot a film about the Cleveland Indians in Baltimore.

Or maybe it has something to do with the world’s largest collection of crybabies, aka Clevelanders.

This is the town whose fans hurl beer bottles on to the field to protest what they believe is poor officiating – a town with such an inferiority complex they can’t even come up with a logo on the helmets of the town’s football team. Perhaps there’s nothing in Cleveland worthy of inspiring a logo.

Whining is the city’s pastime and the decades of fruitless pursuits of a professional championship of any kind has left the citizens of Cleveland feeling like the ugly red-headed step-children that they collectively are.

Then the former poster boy of Wail Away, USA, LeBron James, perhaps the biggest crybaby in sport, walked away from his hometown Ohio, allured by the inviting South Beach.

Choosing between Cleveland and South Beach is like choosing between a nagging Roseanne Barr and an accommodating Megan Fox.

And apparently there is absolutely nothing to do in Cleveland either except sit at the computer and go to the ESPN Sportsnation Poll and vote all day and night. I mean, how else do you explain how Peyton Hillis has defeated popular players like Ray Rice, Matt Ryan, Jamaal Charles and Aaron Rodgers?

Hey Hillis, after Pat Shurmur runs you into the ground and prematurely ends your career, maybe you should run for Mayor of Cleveland.

Or will that be Leave-Land for you too?

Why would anyone live there? Is it a choice or a sentence?

Hey, this just dawned on me…

Purgatory has been defined as a place you can go to as a temporary punishment so that you can purify yourself of your sins before you can enter heaven.

Maybe that’s what Cleveland really is.

Just ask LeBron.

2 comments :

Don said...

Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah said this about Cleveland,"What's so good about Cleveland? You like it? You think Cleveland is cool? I've never heard anyone say, 'I'm going to Cleveland on vacation.'"

Don said...

Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah said this about Cleveland, "What's so good about Cleveland? You like it? You think Cleveland is cool? I've never heard anyone say, 'I'm going to Cleveland on vacation.'"