Thursday, July 08, 2010

Cleveland and King James are a match made in crybaby heaven


Ok I have to admit it...I hate Cleveland!

Truth be told, I've only been to the city twice (both times on business) and I was in and out within 36 hours. That said I do plan on going back some day unless they move the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Otherwise, what's the point?

Why did they put that shrine to music in that Mistake by the Lake anyway? When they induct new members, the ceremonies take place somewhere other than Cleveland.

Who could blame the inductees?

Cleveland sucks so bad that they had to film Major League II in Baltimore and pretend it was Cleveland. I'm sure most Clevelanders pretend they are somewhere else other than along the insect and disease infested shores of Lake Erie.

In the unlikely event that the Cleveland Indians make it to the post season, turn on a game that they host and the players are swarmed under by a plethora of flying six-legged creatures.

Google news on the Cleveland Browns and chances are you'll find a few stories on the plague-like festering of staph infection in the team's locker room.

Go to a Browns' game and fans will litter the field with objects ranging from dog bones to beer bottles.

Of course in typical Clevelander fashion, they'll blame anyone other than themselves.

Since their former football team wised up and got of Cleveland and headed to Beverly (relatively speaking), the bane of Cleveland's collective existence is Art Modell.

Here's a man who contributed more money to their community than most Clevelanders will earn in a lifetime; a man who used his own money (while the bureaucrats shelled out dough to the Indians and the Cavs and rock and roll) to make the world's biggest Spot-a-Pot (Municipal Stadium) somewhat comfortable for the citizens of Cleveland.

He's the reason for the city's misery.

But that could be changing.

At 9PM tonight on ESPN, we will find out where King Crybaby James will play his next game in the NBA when he announces where he will sign.

James is perfect for the city of Cleveland. He cries so much he should have his own reality series on the Lifetime Channel. The pairing is made for each other and it is no surprise that he grew up in nearby Akron, Ohio.

Could he completely turn his back on Cleveland?

Could he shove it down the city's throat so forcefully behind the theatrics of a TV special with the sole intent of going to a new city?

I don't think so.

But I do hope so.

The manufacturers of Kleenex hope so.

And maybe somewhere, Art Modell does too.

8 comments :

Dwayne Wade said...

I hope he leaves Cleveland too. He might catch a disease or something there.

Welcome to Miami bro!

Chris Bosh said...

South Beach is calling my brotha!

fvojik said...

Wow, Tony!

And I thought I hated Cleveland.

Fran from Glen Burnie

Ron Jeremy said...

I saw this quote on a rather profane Deadspin blog: "It's Cleveland. It blows. There's nothing to do in that town except masturbate and cry."

I used to travel to Cleveland regularly for business and I can tell you from experience that this is true. Thank God for hotel adult movies.

Drew Carey's Lover said...

Hey Clevelanders can always take credit for that fat a$$ host on the Price is Right.

B-FU B-LeBron said...

Change his name from King James to King D*ck!

I hate Cleveland too Tony, but this is just way below the belt. Imagine if Cal Ripken sold his soul to the ESPN devil and then opted to play for the Yankees instead of the O's.

Tell me where there's a difference!

Wilt Chamberlain said...

Poor, poor pitiful Cleveland. LeBron isn't the only one to blame here. Also blame the supposed leaders who were supposed to protect the integrity of the game.

F! the NBA

Harryos29 said...

harryos29 July 9th
I have relatives ,, born and raised in Cleveland...when they go on Vacation..they are embarassed to admit their home town.
...Also... I'm sick and tired of ESPN with LEBRON and TIGER..give me a break already.. ENUFF!!!
... Any Town that places a HIGHER value on the ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME...than their .. home town NFL team is CRAZY... Art Figured that out in 1995...THANK GOD FOR ART.