Monday, June 01, 2009

Cleveland is for crybabies, King James included

Unless you are in search of a staph infection or you are visiting the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland isn’t exactly a resort destination of choice for travelers. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the smell of industry, maybe it’s the ecological wonderland called Lake Erie or maybe it has something to do with the world’s largest collection of crybabies, aka Cleveland sports fans.

This is the town whose fans hurl beer bottles on to the field to protest what they believe is poor officiating – a town with such an inferiority complex they can’t even come up with a logo on the helmets of the town’s football team. Perhaps there’s nothing in Cleveland worthy of inspiring a logo.

Whining is the city’s pastime and the decades of fruitless pursuits of a professional championship of any kind has left the citizens of Cleveland feeling like the ugly red-headed step-children that they collectively are.

And given their foul odor and mood that permeates from the Mistake by the Lake, it’s hard not to root against all things Cleveland.

And that’s why the Cavaliers loss to the Magic on Saturday night was so heart-warming.

After the exhilarating loss the poster boy of Wail Away, USA, LeBron James walked off in a huff like a broken-hearted school girl without congratulating his opponent.

“One thing about me you gotta understand; it is hard for me to congratulate somebody after just losing to him," James said. "I'm a winner; that's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you are not going to congratulate them [for] beating you up. That doesn't make sense to me, I'm a competitor and that is what I do. It doesn't make sense to me to go over and shake somebody's hand."

So the Cleveland Plain Dealer posted a blog and poll asking if James acted in an unsportsmanlike way. You've gotta love this response:

“What a stupid article and pole! Why don't you do a pole to see if [Indians’ manager] ERIC WEDGE should be FIRED!”

Note the spelling of pole.

Then there was this gem:

“I think it's far worse to cry like little girls to the media about the foul situation in between every game of the series like Howard and Van Gundy did. Honestly, I'm glad Lebron just walked off the court. Screw those guys.”

James gets more calls than Heidi Fleiss yet grimaces like a 3 year old who just had his lollipop taken away when he doesn’t get the call.

Welcome to Cleveland!


Drew, The Fine City of Cleveland said...

You people in Baltimore either have big balls or you are too dumb to remember how much you guys cry about the poor Colts and Johnny Unitas not being an Indy Colt and on and on.

And as for industry and smell, one drive through that tunnel (or should I say rat hole) and you are in need of pure oxygen. And let's not forget The Wire, Homicide and the capital of crackheads that festers in that cesspool of crime in your Ratbird city. Oh and how could I forget the murderer wearing No. 52.

You guys suck.

John from Canton said...

Spoken like a true Clevelander Drew! Your town has some built up angst given all of those champion-less seasons that I suppose is hard to explain unless you are unfortunate enough to be from Cleveland.

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and the best I could come up with is this...

Imagine a sailor at sea for years and he finally returns to port hoping to spend some time with a woman. Yet he's just so ugly that even the portside ladies of the night won't even take his money.

Is that about right Drew?

Anonymous said...

I don't know. I was at the Ravens-Indy game in 2006, and while I sat there in heartbroken disbelief, it ticked me off to see Ravens players yucking it up with Indy players afterwards. Maybe that's not the same as James not shaking hands after the loss to the Magic, but sometimes I think the media make a bigger deal of irrelevant things -- like what James did after the game.

Joe, not from Cleveland said...

Why do people even live in Cleveland? Even the people that made Major League wouldn't go to Cleveland to film. They had to come to Camden Yards.

Who could blame them?

When they induct artists into the R&R Hall of Fame, the ceremonies are in New York not Cleveland.

Again, who could blame them?

Who could blame Art Modell?

Who will blame Lebron James when he heads to New York?

Drew Carey said...

Look if you had to live by a lake that you can walk across even if your name isn't Jesus and you haven't won a major championship of any kind in over 40 years and if your home baseball stadium was infested with flesh eating flies and mosquitos and your city was a magnet for staph infection, well then you might be bitchy, whiny, insecure and hate to look in the mirror too and just maybe you might hate everyone else that doesn't have to live in the armpit of America too!

Other than that it's always a beautiful day in a Cleveland neighborhood.

Troy Smith is from Cleveland said...

You Baltimorons are unbelievable. You live in a cesspool of crime with smack heads, crack heads, STDs, more murders per capita than even Detroit, need I go on?

No wonder the Colts high tailed it out of that hell hole in the middle of the night.

It just dawned on me that the reason crime is so rampant in "Charm City" (now that's funny) is that compared to living in that town, a new prison cell isn't so bad! There's nothing to lose by being incarcerated!

William Donald Shaeffer said...

Well Troy don't forget that Art Modell couldn't run out of Cleveland fast enough to get to this "cesspool" called Baltimore.

What does that then say about Cleveland?

I think it's rather obvious!

Anonymous said...

Tony, was just surfing around the net and saw this blog on the tail end of reading Drew Forester's blog from WNST.

If I'm not mistaken, blogs are generally shorter than columns and columns usually include 800-1200 words, right? Forester's blog had over 2,100 words.

He cried about the Orioles PR and marketing asking when will they get it right off the field. Seems to me they have become much more fan friendly and they are embracing the community better. Their dramatically improved relationship with the Ravens is and indication of improved PR. Look Rome wasn't built in a day.

So Forester takes 2100+ words to say what he could have said in a fraction of that:

"Please allow Orioles players to talk to the station that constantly bashes the team unnecessarily. Pretty please with teardrops on top!"

That's his real gripe.

Anyway my point here is to say that yes Cleveland is for crybabies and WNST would do very well there. It's a match made in BooHoo Heaven.

Anonymous said...

Tall Paul sez . . .
Nice post Drew
What you b*tches going to do when LeBron moves to LA and the Rock & Rolle Hall of Fame moved to New York?

You guys don't just suck
You also swallow. :-)