Wednesday, December 13, 2006

SEX SELLS

Chances are if you are reading this you are a Ravens fan. And thanks to the genetics of a Ravens fan your DNA suggests that you suffer from an inferiority complex when it comes to the NFL. You can’t help it really -- it’s just how you are built.

Turn on ESPN or NFL Network after a big Ravens win with high hopes that the Ravens will be deluged with praise from the national pundits and what do you get -- a Bengals’ love fest. Listen to Chris Berman (assuming you can any more) and his weekly Swami almost always picks against the Ravens by some twisted score of 12-11 or somewhere thereabout.

From being told to build a museum to the lack of nationally televised games; from the difficulty of schedule to a Christmas Eve game on the road in Pittsburgh; from referees accusing the Ravens of having malice in their hearts to Brian Billick subtly suggesting that the league has an ax to grind with our city, you think the NFL’s league office will turn the screw on Baltimore whenever it can.

Make no mistake about it, the fix is in!

The Ravens are the Rodney Dangerfields of the NFL. We get no respect!

While the league and its talking heads fawn all over the Chargers, a team the Ravens beat no less, the Ravens are tucked away like an ugly stepchild. As the league showcases Cell Block H (aka the Cincinnati Bengals) the fans of Baltimore feel like it’s their team that is incarcerated.

And you know what? You’re right. Your feelings are justified. Baltimore does get the dry shaft. We do get ignored. We are like Flick with his tongue stuck to the pole while the others are huddled inside a toasty classroom watching highlight films that don’t include us.

There’s a reason for it -- SEX SELLS and the Ravens aren’t sexy.

The Ravens are built on defense and defense while it wins championships isn’t exciting for highlight programs. Last night our quarterback made the highlight reels -- for a tackle, for being a defender! Yep, Steve McNair was featured on ESPN's Jacked Up segment.

But generally fans want to see scoring -- big plays. Gamblers want to see the plays that won them cash or sealed their fate; fantasy football players line up to watch SportsCenter and NFL Replay like Rosie O’Donnell queues up at Jonah & The Whale’s all you can eat buffet.

That’s how it is and the Ravens aren’t quite the match for that NFL world. All NFL fans want their team to play great defense yet offense is more exciting. We like Mary Ann for a lifetime but Ginger for a night on the town. We don’t run to the TV to look for the girl next door -- we want to see Angelina Jolie or Jeri Ryan. When is the last time a lawyer looked like Jeri Ryan and if I’m mistaken and she’s the norm for female attorneys then I have to tell you, I’m ready to sue somebody for something.

Hey let’s sue the NFL for character defamation or psychological abuse.

We’re tired of the neglect here in Baltimore!

Look around you. What NFL jerseys do kids buy? Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Michael Vick, Ladainian Tomlinson and (gulp) Ben Roethlisberger are at or near the top of jersey sales. Nobody wants us!

Face it folks -- the Ravens just aren’t sexy.

Offense is sexy and sex sells.

Look at all the recent changes, modifications or closer enforcements of NFL rules. Just about every one is designed to help the offense. It’s the NFL’s version of Nip/Tuck and all the enhancements boost offensive teams.

So Baltimore if you want your team to get more attention -- attention deserving of a 10-3 team, then you better hope they get sexier and sexier means more offense.

That’s just the way it is and it’s doubtful that it will ever change.

You can thank Vegas, fantasy footballers and Ginger for that.

2 comments :

HARRYO29 said...

The Ravens are not sexy this is very true. However, they are my team and like your veiled Reference to Ralphy in the Christmas story, with his buddy Flick outside with his tongue stuck on the flag pole, here we are once again with a dominating Defense and a so so offense. I ask Baltimore Fans? What team would you rather have in Charm city now? the COLTS who couldn't stop Dunbar or Edmonsons running attack , or the Ravens who are capable of shutting down the BEST the NFL has to offer?
And yes, for one night, most people would Take Ginger, but having been married for 41 years now to "Mary Ann" , I can tell you where my heart Lies; With the Rodney Dangerfield of the NFL; My own BALTIMORE RAVENS RIGHT HERE IN CHARM CITY.
HARRY O' SYKESVILLE, MD

ravensfan86 said...

The expression Offense sells tickets, Defense wins championships certainly rings true for how Ozzie Newsome has built the team and exudes his personal touch this year much like the 2000 SB winners.

I think the expression above is a little dated though, offense sells jerseys, ESPN highlight reels, NFL officials favors etc. (rules change)

As long as Ozzie is running the ship I can't see us becoming a sexy offense and turnstile defense. Its not in his character and quite frankly it doesn't work. At least most of the time. I think the Rams might have something to say that offense wins championships. However the Rams are the exception to the rule.

Just watch NFL network and who they feature:
C. Johnson, R Johnson, Palmer (50%)
Peyton Manning, Harrison (30 %)
T. Gonzolas, LJ, Trent Green (10%)
Ray Lewis (5%)
Rothlisberger (5%)

And of course now the darlings of the NFL: Chargers who are crowned royal already.