Sunday, August 13, 2006

NOT FANTASTIC...IT'S COMCASTIC

It’s 6:42 AM on a Sunday morning and I’m sitting outside of The Daily Grind in Fells Point impatiently waiting for the place to open at 7. There’s movement inside as the staff prepares for the likely onslaught of zombie-like city dwellers to unconsciously meander their way to the counter and instinctively order the fix that their veins voraciously scream for.

Not that I’m one of those mind you, I’m just hanging outside of the café in my SUV to pirate their wireless internet connection. You see here I am, manager of this website and I can’t get an internet connection at home. Over the past few months, I’ve had no less than 8 calls into Comcast to fix the blasted thing. And sure enough, each time one of their “techs” arrives, they leave convinced that they’ve remedied the problem.

They haven’t…more on that in a bit.

So I’m out here in the truck on a pleasant morning and Lord knows how my fingers are evening functioning right now, but I’ll be damned…I can’t get their signal to work either. Guess I’ll wait a few minutes and finish my Comcast story.

I keep telling Comcast that they haven’t fixed my super turbo high speed faster than the speed of light internet connection because in my opinion, it’s a neighborhood problem.

Why?

You see I’ve had Comcast issues for as long as I can remember. (Isn’t it nice to have a monopoly?) But in the past when I’ve had problems, I can pirate my neighbor’s wireless network. Now that is a handy tool to have when your own network crashes and the truth be told, Comcast customer service reps should be thankful for my neighbors because I’d likely go Sam Kinison on them if not for my neighbor’s welcoming signals.

But now the problem is every time that my signal goes down, so does the neighbors’ and THAT is a problem and THAT is why I’m here this morning waiting on the Daily Grind.

(Only 8 minutes to go)

Wait, what’s that – a window just popped up saying that I’m linked into the signal for Kooper’s Tavern, just a ½ block down the street.

What do you know…I’m in! Gotta go…there’s work to be done. But hey, if you’ve got any suggestions for Comcast let me know. I’m sure they are all busy today fielding irate calls about the Cable TV in my area being down. A few neighbors that paid for the Hasim Rahman fight aren’t too happy that they were blacked out last night. Neither were their friends who visited just to watch the fight.

I guess there are worse problems. Like this line forming now outside the Grind’s door like a cattle call. Reminds me of “The Night of the Living Dead.”

Top of the morning to ya!

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